


The Year of Living Dangerously in Pants

by ApocalypseThen



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Pants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 18:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17371484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApocalypseThen/pseuds/ApocalypseThen
Summary: Yaz thinks she might be getting addicted to peril.





	The Year of Living Dangerously in Pants

"Ahh! Doctor!"

"Hold on, Yaz! Euuurgh!"

"Ahh!"

"Nuuuuh!"

\------------

They escaped, of course. They always did. It wasn't that. Yaz was afraid that she was getting addicted to peril.

"I dunno about you, Yaz, but I'm going to need new knickers."

Yaz did her best impression of a beetroot for a minute. Then breath exploded out of her. "It's not just me then?" she stammered.

"Did you sit in the puddle too?" the Doctor asked, innocently enough. "I didn't see."

Yaz blushed again. "No," she squeaked. "OK, back to the TARDIS? Please?"

The Doctor followed her all the way to her sock drawer, running her mouth like she was paid by the word. "Woah, nice pants!" She fingered a pair like she'd never seen white cotton underwear.

Yaz frowned. She tried to imagine what the Doctor...

The Doctor was telepathically inclined, today. "All I've got's this lacy stuff." She spread the flaps of her trousers wide for Yaz to see the delicate whorls of sky-blue satin. "Doesn't last five minutes in a situation. Boxes and boxes. Must have stocked up at some point, but I can't remember."

Yaz was thinking what she wouldn't do for two, maybe two and a half minute's peace right then. She was feeling queasy. Escape from peril usually left her feeling a bit shaky, but this was so much worse. "Do you want to borrow those?" she asked.

"Could I?" The Doctor seemed overjoyed by the idea. She stood on one leg and started pulling her shoe off.

Yaz couldn't look away. "Oh." She'd just realised. She was still in danger. This was very definitely a _situation_.

As The Doctor slipped out of her coat, suspenders, and trousers it evolved into jeopardy. The satin panties weren't enough to contain all of the blonde thatch that furred the Doctor's crotch. A bearded lioness menaced Yaz, who stood very still in the face of imminent peril.

The panties came off. The lioness roared. She'd been at the watering hole and had a wet chin. And she'd been rolling in something that smelled... uh-oh. The peril turned mortal. Yaz died. She ascended, spent a thousand years in heavenly contemplation, and then came back. "Buh," she said. "Fff."

"Too right," said the Doctor, as she hopped into Yaz's sensible pants. "Oh, that's better!" She put her hands on her hips and lunged forward with one knee, testing the pants to their limits. "Cheers, Yaz!" The Doctor grabbed her trousers. "Strange that these aren't wet on the outside."

Yaz died again, sinking through the floor to the nether hells where she was tortured for an eternity by beautiful, grinning beasts. "Doctor," she groaned. She buried her eyes in the heels of her palms.

It was very quiet for a long time. Yaz started to think that maybe hell wasn't so bad. She could get used to eternal frustration. It wasn't _Leeds_.

"Yaz?" The Doctor's nose was an inch from Yaz's face.

"Doctor..." started Yaz.

"Can I have another pair?" the Doctor said. "These ones are wet through already."

Yaz's heart bungeed off a cliff. Dangling over oblivion, it asked: "Doctor, are you pulling my leg?"

"What happens if I do? It doesn't come off, does it? I would have noticed something like that. I'm quite observant."

Yaz took the Doctor by the hand and led her to the door. "Come back in... three minutes," she said, "and I'll explain."

Two minutes and thirty-seven seconds later, the Doctor said: "Yaz! I heard screaming! Are you mmmf mmmf fmm..."

Yaz kissed her until she stopped trying to speak. "Sorry, Doctor. I couldn't think of another way to shut you up."

"I do go on a bit some... tihhhhh..."

Yaz found that there were a number of ways to keep the Doctor quiet. Some were more perilous than others.


End file.
